Riders on the Swarm

Jack (00:01.138)
Greetings boys, girls, cheese bags everywhere. We are fucking live at Tales from the Crawl Space podcast being the badasses that we are and you're to get us warts and all. So here we are. Riders on the swarm. Brad Harvey, my esteemed cohort, partner in crime, brother from another mother. How you doing?

Brad The Impaler (00:21.102)
you

Brad The Impaler (00:27.618)
I'm doing awesome, Jackie. You doing okay? Cause I'll tell you what, it's been warm as fuck down here in the Midwest.

Jack (00:34.162)
It's a little cool today, but it's nice. It's been nice. It's to be a little bit nicer tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to it. Enjoying the weather.

Brad The Impaler (00:41.166)
Good one of those it's it's fall spring. mean it was in the 70s. It's like 75 degrees out right now and Tonight a front is going to come in that they're talking about is it's going to be a life-threatening which is going to be fun and so, you know definitely looking forward to that and and then after that the the bottom drops out of the thermos the thermometer again, we're back to we're back to winter and

Jack (00:57.808)
heard about that, yeah.

Brad The Impaler (01:07.394)
gonna be dropping into the 20s and stuff. everything that's come to life, due to the warm weather, all the bugs and stuff, and they're gonna be like, yeah, yeah, fuck, wait, it's warm again, god damn it, so, and people like that, people are that way as well, because I go with my next door neighbor. Young family, they've got a couple kids, they're about to be outnumbered, because she's got a third one in the oven. They're out there on the pond.

Jack (01:17.81)
What?

Yeah.

Brad The Impaler (01:35.768)
They've got their lawn chairs out and they're just having, you know, they both work from home and blah, blah. And so they have their kids out there and everything. Yeah, they'll by Sunday, they're just going to be like some hooker back down in their house. Like, God damn it. It's cold out there. My nipples breaking off. Don't say nipples in front of the kids. Nipple says, say, say udders. Udders.

Jack (01:52.188)
Well, it's...

Honey, don't say nipples. Say rose buds. They're little rose buds. Utters. It depends on who you're speaking to. I is she a bigger girl? Is she, you know?

Brad The Impaler (02:05.578)
No, she's not, she's not. But yeah, but Jackson called me the brother from the other mother. I'm the brother from the utter utter. Brother from another utter. my gosh. so, yeah, yeah. So, topic for tonight, Riders on the Swarm. Boom, boom, And everybody can tell JT just really enjoyed doing that intro.

Jack (02:07.9)
So they're teats.

Jack (02:13.618)
Well, there's two of them, so that, you know, two teats, no waiting.

Jack (02:21.554)
Two teats. No waiting.

Jack (02:29.67)
Bum ba dum dum dum.

Jack (02:35.314)
Hahaha!

Brad The Impaler (02:35.552)
And Jack being the benevolent father he is, decided to pay him anyway. Hey, back to you Mario, what's going on my man? Yeah, Mario shows up. We are live and we are chatting with y'all tonight. drop us a line, tell us hi, tell us to eat shit, tell us your swarm stories. And by swarm I mean whatever's waking up right now. It doesn't have to be just termites. It could be anything. You got your termites, you got your ants, you got your wasps.

Jack (02:40.494)
Mario!

That's right

Brad The Impaler (03:04.526)
I, you know, the phones are ringing off the hook at my beloved trio talking about, we got hornets coming out. We need, I got a hornet nest. It's like, no, you don't have a nest. You got them hunkering down right now, wintering over. they're waking up thinking it's summertime and they're going to come out and start building the nests. But we'll take your money, but you know, just like.

Jack (03:22.908)
Then two days from now they're like, what the fuck?

Brad The Impaler (03:28.922)
So yeah, so Mario from Brazil, man. I'm glad you popped in. So yeah, keep him coming. So yeah, everybody drop us a line. Tell us how you're doing. And Jack, what's going on up there in your neck of the woods right now with the weather? Are you getting anything waking up or are

Jack (03:34.374)
Hell yeah, that's a good buddy.

Jack (03:47.504)
Yeah, I've had a couple bees wandering in the garage. I've seen a few other little creepy crawlies, some beetles and stuff, trying to get in the house, things like that. So things are starting to wake up. Stink bugs have been around all winter in the garage and stuff. So those little stinking ass bastards.

Brad The Impaler (03:52.076)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (03:57.166)
Mm.

Brad The Impaler (04:07.338)
fucking steak bugs and brown marmorated cocksuckers god i hate them fucking hate them

Jack (04:11.6)
What was that meme or someone posted that thing, they're brown marmalade stink bugs?

Brad The Impaler (04:17.166)
Brown marmalade stink bugs.

Jack (04:22.034)
I like, don't think they taste that good.

Brad The Impaler (04:24.418)
No, they're not. everybody says they smell like cilantro. I don't see it.

Jack (04:30.243)
I'm of the genetic thing that cilantro tastes like soap. Apparently some people love it. I don't see how that's possible.

Brad The Impaler (04:35.298)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (04:38.99)
I used to used to hate, I used to fucking hate cilantro, but I don't know, something clicked. I don't know, maybe I, you know, dropped on my head or something, the brain damage caused me to start liking cilantro, but I don't mind it now. I don't like a lot of it, I, know, but, hmm.

Jack (04:57.36)
It was you punishing your brain with all those chemicals when you were younger. And then the pesticides running through your veins and stuff.

Brad The Impaler (05:01.11)
That's gotta be it. Pesticide. Yeah, I mean, you know, from the non-pesticidal chemicals that I was ingesting to now. Yeah.

Jack (05:10.77)
stirring your termite tank with your arm, you know?

Brad The Impaler (05:13.825)
yeah.

Gotta love it. It cleared up my rainworm though. You can't bitch about that. Yeah, right now we've got the stink bugs popping up. We've got the wasps and whatnot. They're starting to wake up. Right now it's the brown paper wasps. The ones that make the nest with the slightly larger holes. Not those ones that look like little tiny yellow jackets that make the little tiny cells that just.

Jack (05:20.466)
Whatever works.

Jack (05:37.02)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (05:45.752)
will sting you just because you looked at them funny. The brown ones, I don't mind them. They're kinda cool. They're really chill. They just kinda, they're fussing around, just doing their thing. But people freak the fuck out on them and that's okay, because that's what we're in business for. We're here to help.

Jack (06:03.356)
Yeah, some people run screaming no matter what it is, you know.

Brad The Impaler (06:06.294)
Mm-hmm. You know, the thing about pest control, the pest control industry, is we will prey on your phobias until they become annoying to us. And then we educate you.

Jack (06:16.786)
You need to clean your shit up woman. It's just...

Brad The Impaler (06:21.422)
That's right, okay. I told you I can help, but goddamn it, I need your help too. But getting open, opening my Christmas tree, later or earlier, or this year, I told you about that, it had like 20 fucking stink bugs come out of it. And Max, Max found out why they call them stink bugs.

Jack (06:28.658)
Try to.

Jack (06:36.046)
No. Yeah.

Jack (06:43.874)
look, Mr. Powerhouse. know who that is. That's Mr. Rodney. Powerhouse. What's up, buddy?

Brad The Impaler (06:47.798)
Hey Rodney, what's going on? Man, I'm shocked that he's actually able to get through.

Greetings. They're tariffing the interwebs. man. But yeah, good old Nova Scotia. He dropped a really nice post on Facebook because he's going to be on another podcast tomorrow, I guess. our beloved sisters over at Pestergen are going to be talking with Rodney.

Jack (06:58.126)
Are they terrifying internet now?

Jack (07:05.105)
Hmm.

Jack (07:19.259)
yeah, he sure is.

Brad The Impaler (07:25.403)
and the Crusader of Contempt himself.

Jack (07:29.19)
Let's give it. It's a was it pick yourself up, dust yourself off. I think that's the topic.

Brad The Impaler (07:33.122)
Yeah, dust yourself off and some shit like that, wipe your ass and get to work. I don't know.

Jack (07:39.394)
I don't know, think they're a little too, they're a little too demure for wiping your ass yet.

Brad The Impaler (07:43.438)
They're demure. They're dainty. They are dainty. That's right. Yeah, this is a judgment-free zone. Not us. This is Tales from the Crawl Space. We're gonna fuckin' judge, Jack. Jack, we're gonna judge your brains out, man. I'm telling you. God. That's right, we are edgy, aren't we? Man.

Jack (07:46.704)
We listen and we don't judge.

Jack (07:53.222)
We're gonna judge the fuck out of you. You know why? Because we're edgy.

Brad The Impaler (08:05.262)
God. I'll tell you how edgy I am. You didn't see me last week. I got real edgy on the show. My nose itched and I scratched it. Right there, right at the edge of the nostril. That's edgy.

Jack (08:06.61)
Ugh.

Jack (08:19.09)
Speaking of edgy, you can only see me from like the mid chest up. You don't know what I got going on down below.

Brad The Impaler (08:24.908)
Yeah, you're wearing your kilt. We all know it.

Jack (08:26.726)
I'm getting the wrist action and you can't see my arm move.

Brad The Impaler (08:30.702)
Yeah, but I can see your headphones bounce up and down every so often.

Jack (08:35.117)
It's like, it's all, me tell you something. Get the hit. You're going to spray the medicine. we got, we got Brandon and Jenny from Pastra June. We were just talking about you, Jenny.

Brad The Impaler (08:38.158)
You're over there giving your downstairs rooms a good medicine.

Hey, hey Jen, what's going on girlfriend? God, girlfriend.

Jack (08:54.652)
What up,

Jack (08:59.066)
Let the record show I am actually drinking this evening.

Brad The Impaler (09:02.478)
Check that out, guys. He is actually, he is, you know. I'm not drinking alone, which is depressing as fuck. But I know.

Jack (09:08.786)
Cause I drink alone, yeah, with nobody else.

Brad The Impaler (09:12.802)
You know when I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself.

Jack (09:14.8)
I prefer to be by myself. Every morning just before breakfast, I don't want no coffee or tea. Just my pal buddy Wiser and his partner Jimmy Beam and we drink alone.

Brad The Impaler (09:19.767)
You

Brad The Impaler (09:23.234)
Yeah

Brad The Impaler (09:27.468)
God. Okay, George Thoroughbad. Let's get up.

Jack (09:29.362)
That's about it. That's about it. Swarms, swarms, swarms. Now see, I've on my video that I made on Wednesday, I called it swarm season because when I started out in this business, as I told everybody before, I started out doing termite work. So our swarms were serious fucking termite swarms. And especially being in the mid-Atlantic region right near the Chesapeake Bay, we had sandy, silty soil.

So they traveled quickly and with a high water table, they were up closer to the surface. So man, we'd have these massive swarms come out, man. It looked like someone had an air hose with termite swarmers and was like blowing them out of the like fountains of

Brad The Impaler (09:58.178)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (10:05.762)
I

Brad The Impaler (10:12.28)
Yeah. I love that.

Jack (10:14.182)
That was awesome. I loved it. I absolutely loved it. I had this warehouse, had the real thick concrete slabs. And I know because I had to drill those fuckers. And the joints of the slabs were that thick, like one inch wide of that silicone binder like seal. And it was a soda distribution place, or PAP for you people out in the Midwest, PAP distribution.

Brad The Impaler (10:24.365)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (10:32.184)
Yep.

Jack (10:44.006)
They were coming up right through that seal into this office area, through the carpet and filled the entire fucking office. So the women come running out of there and they taped the door seal shut. And I was looking in the window from the hallway into the office and all I saw were termite swimmers. And I'm like, this is going to be fun. So I started peeling the door off, peeling the tape off the door.

Brad The Impaler (10:51.064)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (11:03.789)
Mm-hmm.

Jack (11:09.234)
The women are like squealing and backing up and stuff. And I've just kind of waltzed in there. The place is just silly with them. Man, they're going on my ears and my nose and my mouth. And I'm trying to figure out where they're coming out of the floor at. People are like, oh my gosh, disgusting. I think I've eaten more termites than I care to remember, that's for sure.

Brad The Impaler (11:14.968)
Yeah.

Brad The Impaler (11:29.154)
You know, I know I have and it's like, when they start popping out like that, they just get all up in your shit. You know what, fortune, they're not unpleasant. They're not my favorite thing to have, know, to be adjusting, but you know, they could be worse. They could taste like, you know, cilantro.

Jack (11:38.197)
yeah.

Jack (11:46.642)
They're a little bland. yeah, could tell. But they were a little bland, you know, not very savory, not very flavorful.

Brad The Impaler (11:51.83)
out.

Yeah. Speaking of of speaking of cilantro, I think I might've mentioned this on the show before that when I had a termite swarm that shut down a Chi Chi's up in in West Lafayette. my God, it was hideous. And on on Mother's Day, So that was that was really special. And I'm enjoying Mother's Day at the the city park with my wife and my my daughter. And everything's great.

And then I get that call and I have to fucking run up there. That was, that was, that was lovely. They had the whole place fucking shut down. I'm sitting there with a can at the PT 270 and a straw just waiting for, you know, termites, mortars to pop up, you know, just squirting out. I'm doing basically absolutely nothing and just making them happy. And then, I went, yeah, you're right, William. is all protein. And, I got, I, you know, the next day I went out and actually checked her central constations and they were just.

They were were shit. No, they hadn't been checked right or anything for god knows how long that system had been in the ground for about three years and nobody nobody checked it right so job

Jack (13:02.78)
Were they like mulch covered, people forgot about them?

Brad The Impaler (13:05.864)
no they were just open idea are our offices in indianapolis and it was up in west lafayette so who the fuck was watching them so i a jobs were lost the next day and but

Jack (13:12.786)
Okay.

Jack (13:20.402)
I need to address what Mario just said. He goes, I once had a customer in Rio de Janeiro who had a subterranean termite swarm inside of his apartment on the 17th floor. How the fuck, how the fuck does that happen?

Brad The Impaler (13:30.51)
Ooh, get the fuck out. 170 feet up, damn. I don't know. That ain't no shit. Yeah, okay, here we go, we're out. There's 26 other floors, but yeah, we'll get off at 17th.

Jack (13:38.482)
They were working in the background for 169 feet. They're like, that's good enough right here, that's good.

Jack (13:55.946)
Next floor, women's lingerie.

Brad The Impaler (13:58.456)
Today is Pantejo's chewing gum.

Jack (14:02.735)
No.

Brad The Impaler (14:06.326)
I am, man, something is wrong under my desk. Hang on. I a fire safe under here that's usually laying down. And I use it as an auto man when I'm on here. But now it's on its side. And auto maning with it is impossible tonight. shit.

Jack (14:18.09)
huh.

Jack (14:23.986)
Yeah. Well, this time of year, like in Maryland, in the Eastern shore area, we'd get citronella ants out the ass, And it's the first, my first encounter with them. And I was like, citronella ants, huh, is that like the candles? And the guy's like, yeah. So I got my face down there, damn sure enough. I don't know, do you think that they named the candles after the ants? Or did they name the ants after the candles?

Brad The Impaler (14:33.452)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (14:52.568)
I don't know, that's a good question.

Jack (14:55.068)
but they are identical smelling. Did somebody come across the answer and you know what? We ought to make a candle with that smell.

Brad The Impaler (14:57.72)
They are.

Brad The Impaler (15:03.17)
No, I think they came across the ant and it smelled like the plant.

Jack (15:08.946)
Okay.

Brad The Impaler (15:09.422)
There is a citronella and it must have smelled citrusy to somebody so they call it citronella.

Jack (15:18.076)
So it's like the chicken and the egg thing. What came first, the candle or the ant? Yep. Fair enough.

Brad The Impaler (15:25.422)
Yeah, it's one of those universal paradoxes.

Jack (15:28.466)
Yeah, yeah. Now in Indiana, what's this time of year? What's the first thing that really pops up? What's the big thing this time of year? You start getting ants when you get like two or three days over 60 degrees.

Brad The Impaler (15:42.83)
We start getting ants, not necessarily swarming ants, but winged the ones you would nominally associate with swarmers, but the hungry motherfuckers. They've been down there, they've been eating what they've been stashed, all that shit's gone, their refrigerator is empty, their coupon box is barren, so there's no going to the store for some bargains, so they're gonna come out and they're gonna eat whatever the fuck. And usually, it's sugar.

And something sweet is usually what they're gonna attack first, because they need that quick energy, because it's springtime and they're like, know, all right, we're out when we fucking. So they need that, you know, they need that energy. so a lot of times they'll be gravitating towards the sweet stuff. boy, come out hard and sometimes they'll come out during the winter, but not near as much. But right now, yeah, Odorous House answers starting to make their appearance, right?

And know, odorous house ants are awesome. For those of you that don't know how you can tell if it's an odorous house ant, there's a lot of different identifiers, but a quick field check is just to pick one of those fuckers up and smash it. Give it a whiff. If it smells like kind of soury rotten coconut smell, you've got an odorous house ant there. If it just smells like you just crushed a bug in your fingers, that's not an odorous house ant.

Jack (17:01.862)
And if it smells like shit, you've been scratching your ass.

Brad The Impaler (17:04.492)
That's right. You actually picked up a dingleberry and didn't know it. So pay attention out there, folks. Very, very important. You're going to be picking up no-turd berries.

Jack (17:06.96)
Heheheheh!

Jack (17:12.21)
I gotta say for a false, one thing I loved, PT Advanced Dual Choice Ant Stations. I love those early spring and in the fall when they start changing their feeding habits based on the season, you get a little bit of sweet, little bit of savory. Do they still make those?

Brad The Impaler (17:22.2)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (17:27.746)
Uh-huh.

Brad The Impaler (17:31.726)
I am saying I'm not we I mean we don't use them I mean you know with the advent you know I mean we've we've got a we've got a sweet ant bait that works great I mean we've got we've got the Max Force Magnum and we have advion ant which actually works pretty well also and then we've got turn it over and Taurus you know so I mean and you know it's everybody's like

Jack (17:53.35)
yeah, yeah.

Brad The Impaler (17:57.122)
Well, you really need to find a source better that we're in. isn't just this isn't a branch of the education department. This is a fucking business, right? And you know, the business and the name of the game in the business is to get the the ants out of the fucking building. So the customer will be happy to pay you. I mean, I'm not going to sugarcoat it here, guys. I mean, I am all about education. I'm all about learning.

Jack (18:06.416)
Right.

Brad The Impaler (18:20.526)
you know, the biology and stuff like that. But sometimes you just, sometimes you just got to stick and move. And especially this time of year when things are starting to blow up. So good old FIPR-NIL, hit that shit on the outside like you're supposed to, everybody, and get on to the next stop. you know, if it's something that can't be solved by like that, then you you maybe want to look into that. But that's how I do it.

Jack (18:45.478)
It.

Brad The Impaler (18:47.464)
And it's worked. I'm an old fart and I've been doing this long enough. So whatever.

Jack (18:51.826)
It's Phantom Plus on the inside.

Brad The Impaler (18:54.574)
Phantom Plus on the inside. Jesus Jack.

Jack (18:58.157)
But let me, a little tip for people, you may think I'm crazy, but the bags of those little ant bait stations have been sitting in the bag in your hot ass truck for God knows how long. And before that, they were sitting in a case in the back of an 18-wheeler or a warehouse for God knows how long. So it's like leaving the jar off your peanut butter. It gets a little crusty on the top. If you put them in like a kitchen or something like that,

Brad The Impaler (19:20.376)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jack (19:25.136)
Run a little warm water through them for about five seconds before you set them out. It makes a world of fucking difference. It really does. I mean, they'll actually go to it.

Brad The Impaler (19:28.216)
Yep.

Brad The Impaler (19:33.014)
It does, it does. And it does that with peanut butter too, because sometimes it gets so crusty you can't stick anything in it.

Jack (19:39.378)
Yeah, but I don't want to hear that story with the dogs. With your, with your painis. Sometimes you just got to slide your painis in it.

Brad The Impaler (19:44.413)
I'm just setting you up Jackie. You fucking blew it. There you go. God damn it.

Jack (19:54.608)
See that boys and girls, I'm saying it for you live. Painous.

Brad The Impaler (19:57.29)
We're just back from hiatus we're getting a little rusty man if this was if we we had about three or four more shows under our belts for this year He would have fucking Scott right on that one

Jack (20:06.501)
yeah, yeah, well, I ain't drinking for the first time in a long time, so I'm a little slow on the uptake.

Brad The Impaler (20:13.826)
Yeah, it's what it is. Actually, got the boosies.

Jack (20:16.336)
With my boosies. I got my boosies. My little boosies.

Brad The Impaler (20:21.708)
Mm. And nothing like, and that bottle fits awful snug in your boozy there.

Jack (20:26.77)
Fipronil titties approved. okay. Jen said something about Fipronil titties. You have my attention.

Brad The Impaler (20:32.875)
Yeah, that's right. The Terminator cow has spoken.

Jack (20:38.066)
Is that pest perspective? Is that about he's showing down there? Say who that is.

Brad The Impaler (20:42.912)
It is! It is! Good day, guys! Man, this is truly an international episode. have... We have, that's right, have Nova Scotia, we have Brazil, and now we have the UK. And, my gosh.

Jack (20:49.271)
Sean's staying up late for us. That's awesome.

Jack (20:58.342)
Hot damn. That guy is making some strides too. He's been in several different publications and everything. He's been kicking some serious ass. And I got to tell you, Perspectives, it's a hell of a podcast. You want to really learn something and learn what it's like over in the UK. It's really cool. So check out Sean's podcast, Pest Perspectives.

Brad The Impaler (21:03.316)
Mm-hmm. He was,

Brad The Impaler (21:14.67)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (21:18.222)
Yeah, yeah, it shows. And matter of fact, you're going to want to check it out pretty soon because he's going to have a couple of really interesting guests coming.

Jack (21:28.4)
Yeah, I hear they're a little edgy.

Brad The Impaler (21:30.316)
They are, are edgy. Jack, they're so edgy. They're edgelords.

Jack (21:33.013)
wait, I'm getting...

Jack (21:42.674)
That's my penis.

Brad The Impaler (21:44.492)
That's his old face. That's right. He's getting his Irish on. He's getting his old face on. St. Patrick's Day is coming up on DEC.

Jack (21:46.354)
Fucking love that movie.

Jack (21:54.962)
Give my old face. that's got my, I got my, my, my Murphy's Irish pub shirt on one of the, one of the four places in Virginia that serves Kilkenny. Thank you very much. So.

Brad The Impaler (22:09.798)
All right, he's tipped his hat, or he's tipped his hand. has tipped his hand, that's right folks, we're gonna be on, we are going to be on the Pest Perspective podcast coming up. I cannot fucking wait, man, Sean's an awesome guy. He's been on our show before too, so yeah. So I guess we owe it to him to pop in on this.

Jack (22:13.707)
that's right, there we go.

Jack (22:19.996)
Damn right.

Jack (22:26.096)
He has an international episode.

Brad The Impaler (22:33.262)
just pouring me a little bit more here.

Jack (22:35.398)
Right now I'm brain farting on the date we're recording that with him. I know I got it somewhere in chat. You're gonna have to remind me.

Brad The Impaler (22:41.375)
he's gonna tell us. think it, actually I think it is the 18.

Jack (22:46.043)
okay, cool.

Brad The Impaler (22:47.022)
Yeah, it's not too far away. I don't know when he's going to air it, but yeah, this coming Tuesday is going to be Bracken Jad.

Jack (22:49.391)
next Tuesday.

Jack (22:58.322)
So we can say, so we can say cunt. See you next Tuesday.

Brad The Impaler (23:01.838)
See you next Tuesday. Yes, we can.

Jack (23:04.07)
Because over in the UK, it couldn't mean something completely different.

Brad The Impaler (23:07.694)
It means good friend.

Jack (23:11.162)
and psych-bullocks, whatever, etch-a-balls. Etch-a-balls!

Brad The Impaler (23:12.838)
Bullocks yeah buggery bullocks. Yeah, it's like and you could and you could say you could use fucking as an adjective But if you say but dude if you say bloody it's all over man. It's like yeah, that's like that's like calling somebody a cop sucker You're man, then you ever see the movie semi-pro semi-pro well, yeah, he called him a giant something called a Jive turkey and everybody's like

Jack (23:20.868)
I do anyways.

Jack (23:33.648)
Yes, yes, yes.

Brad The Impaler (23:41.848)
What'd call me? What'd call He goes, no, no, no, he didn't say that. He called you a cocksucker. No, no, I believe he called me a giant turkey.

Jack (23:49.682)
Good job, Turkey. Reminds me that little sound bite. Fuck you, bloody. Let me tell you something. Let me tell it. Let me tell you something.

Brad The Impaler (23:58.798)
Fuck you, bloody! Fuck you, bloody! Bloody! Bloody fuck you! Don't Don't even... Very fuck you!

Jack (24:04.37)
That's when you get two neighboring Patel accounts and they're arguing over how much each other's paying for their pest control service. Fuck you, bloody! Now, when does your season start out there in Indiana?

Brad The Impaler (24:07.438)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Mmm.

Brad The Impaler (24:25.132)
Our season has begun. The minute the phones pick up, it could have been two weeks ago, it could be three weeks from now. That's the thing. We are driven more by the weather than anything else. As far as termites, termites are gonna start blowing here in probably the next month, three, two to four weeks is when we're gonna start seeing them.

Jack (24:26.864)
Okay.

Brad The Impaler (24:54.134)
and then when we're gonna get into middle April, then it really starts going on. And then all of sudden it just goes, that's it, party is over. Have we de-winterized them? We winterize them and de-winterize them all the time. sometimes we do run some things, like if the weather's nice. I mean, basically what we do is we bleed everything out, we empty the tank.

Jack (25:02.758)
Have you de-winterized your rigs yet?

Jack (25:09.369)
Okay.

Brad The Impaler (25:22.542)
And we draw in some RV antifreeze until everything shoots out pink. And then that's good. That's it for then. And then just blow it out when we need it. And save it, suck it back in there when we're done with what we need to do. And it works out pretty good. We haven't ruined a rib yet.

Jack (25:31.185)
Yep.

Jack (25:46.746)
I, when I had the big termite rig when I was with Schmerlich, when I was a termite guy, I'd pack right up to the bay door at the back of the shop. We'd run an extension cord out and I have one of those old ceramic block heaters and I'd just throw that fucker in the back of the truck. I wouldn't winterize the truck all year. I'd just have to put that heater in. I'd have to remember to put that fucking heater in it. But

Brad The Impaler (25:55.864)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (26:03.328)
yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (26:09.611)
Right, sure, sure. That's the hard part is remembering. That's like trying to remember to bring your B and G in.

Jack (26:15.248)
Yeah, I was gonna say that that wasn't a question for me either because I just kept it right in the back of the truck with everything else. Didn't have to worry about it.

Brad The Impaler (26:18.702)
That's right, my gosh, but yeah, usually usually we get usually we get You we get we start getting going right about now, know in between you know Could be like I said, it could been two weeks ago. It could have been two weeks from now but this is start this is when things are starting to pick up and which is great because I'm actually going to Probably return to work very very soon You know, it's been it's

Jack (26:38.108)
Yeah.

Jack (26:46.821)
I hope so.

Brad The Impaler (26:47.796)
It's been a long dark winter, Jack, I'm telling you. I I blew out my meniscus and I have been out, I've been out of the field since December 9th, but out of work since January 16th. And fortunately, know, workers cop picked up a lot of the slack and it's just a matter of them getting actually to start picking up the slack was the tough part. And so I've been doing okay, you know, but I'm going fucking.

bat shit crazy right now, not being able to do the work. And then January 1st, my gallbladder decides it wants to file for divorce. And so I'm dealing with that. I just got that taken. And that was January, New Year's Day, I'm in the emergency room thinking I'm having a heart attack. was my gallbladder. I just got it removed two weeks ago Thursday, two weeks ago yesterday. And I'm having some complications with that, which is fun.

Jack (27:18.705)
I bet.

Jack (27:35.57)
Ugh.

Brad The Impaler (27:45.186)
You know, big incision that they put right on your navel, above your navel, got infected. And so they put me on antibiotics last week. Wasn't working really good. yeah, this is gross. Everybody put your tapioca pudding down, because this story's gonna get weird. Yeah, you're damn right there, Sean. It was not good. the thing about this was the doctor's like, okay, well, I'm gonna have to open that up. I'm like.

Jack (27:59.216)
Yeah! Let's go get nasty.

Brad The Impaler (28:14.414)
Okay, get it drained. I he says, yeah, we're gonna do this. I said, that makes perfect sense. Let's do it. He goes, I'm not gonna be able to numb you. I was like, okay. So I'm laying there and I think he's just kind of keeping the conversation going, keep my mind off of it. So tell me how your digestive system's been going. I was like, well, yeah, I've been doing really good. I know that the anesthesia I had caused me some constipation and I was like, oh, holy fuck. hate you.

just fucking, know, we're gonna, and then he's like, he's like, okay, I got it open. And then he, then I can feel him kind of like kneading it, like it's one of them little, like a little ball of Play-Doh or something. He goes, I'm not getting anything out. He goes, let me go in deeper. I was like, fuck. And he's like, so I started to some core consummations up. So what'd you think about Colts last season? I was like, just fucking get this done. And so, and then so he goes, he is like, he is like.

Jack (28:47.119)
Root.

Jack (29:09.17)
Did you grab the toilet brush? Did you grab the toilet brush and start rooting right in there?

Brad The Impaler (29:13.442)
jams it in there goes. No, but what do you. And then after all that, he goes, still didn't get a whole lot of it's deeper. I said, but I'm gonna put you on a big round of weapons grade antibiotics. And then we're gonna be, then I'm gonna pack it. So I was like, okay, he's gonna put some cotton in there. No, he gets his jar out, right? And it's a little brown jar about like this. He opens it up, he pulls a strip of gauze out, looks like a tapeworm.

Jack (29:17.906)
That's like a drain service. It's like a drain service.

Brad The Impaler (29:42.452)
And he goes, okay, I'm gonna pack it with that. I said, is that gauze? He goes, yeah. And I said, he goes, it's medicated. I said, that was my next question. He goes, yeah, it's got betadine on it. And not probably. So he gets in there and he's like working it in there and I'm just laying there like, dear God, let it end. And so he gets it all done. He goes, he showed me a piece about this song. He goes, this is what I left hanging out of you. And he goes, he goes,

It should fall out on its own probably by Friday. He goes, if it is still in there on Saturday, you're gonna have to pull it out. And I've been just thinking, ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne. You know, I was like, yes! And so I'm like, son of a bitch. And then I was gonna ask my bride if she wanted to do it. And she's like, no. And I said, come on.

Jack (30:22.034)
Like the magician with the prank.

Jack (30:35.374)
Ew!

Brad The Impaler (30:37.73)
I said, you used to like dig around, you would pop pimples on my back and everything back when we first got kicked the outside of that bitch. She goes, I've changed. I said, you're damn right you have. I was like, good grief. said, now she lives vicariously through episodes of Dr. Pimple Popper on YouTube. God, me too. was like, I was like, no, I don't want my mayonnaise in a packet. Can you give me a little deli cup of it, please?

Jack (30:38.034)
You

Jack (30:50.042)
Infection stinks, that's why.

Jack (30:56.632)
god I hate that!

Brad The Impaler (31:08.462)
And, yep, good old gallbladder porn. Thanks, William. So that has been my day. Here's the thing though. I get home and I'm sitting on my chair. like, something smells like burned plastic electrical insulation, like burning power cord or whatever. That one, that melty plastic smell, right? And I'm smelling, I was like, I can't figure out where it is. So I get up, I go into the kitchen.

Jack (31:08.656)
Jack (31:31.654)
Right?

Brad The Impaler (31:37.74)
I'm smelling it in there. was like, I'm checking all the you know, know, charge boxes, you know, the bricks and stuff and making sure nothing's overeating, anything like that. And I was sitting around, I go in the bathroom and I smell it again. I was like, I pull out my shirt. It's the betadine that from that gauze that I'm smelling. It smells like burnt plastic. And I'm like, son of a bitch. I've been walking around thinking my house is about ready to catch fire. I mean, it's a good solid two hours that I'm looking for this fucking thing.

Jack (31:56.828)
Yeah, it does. It does.

Jack (32:07.09)
Now see, when I had a, when someone a long time ago shot me, I didn't go to a doctor. I just took a tube of Neosporin and like jammed it in the hole and like filled it full of Neosporin. Then took a piece of gauze and tape and just covered it up and just kind of let that go. It worked. I still have the limb. I don't have gangrene or nothing. So I guess there's something to be said for Neosporin. Yeah.

Brad The Impaler (32:07.89)
So.

Brad The Impaler (32:13.688)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (32:28.749)
Okay.

Hmm.

Did the bullet exit? Okay. I didn't know if you're still carrying lead. I don't know. I know a lot about you, Jack, but I don't know everything. Yeah, me is born and hamburger. It's like Bondo for the human body. Just stir them in a little cup.

Jack (32:40.538)
No, no, did just, I, I filled it full and me is born. It worked.

Jack (32:52.262)
Hahahaha!

Jack (32:57.202)
Little bit of medical tape. I should have poured some tussin on it. Gotta put some tussin. Put a little tussin on it. Just place some Windex on it.

Brad The Impaler (33:00.096)
some tussin get you some tussin yeah let it help anything you know you know that's that's an episode we could do is like grotesque pest related injuries and how you handle them or such shit

Jack (33:16.026)
Yeah, or you're getting hurt on the job. I mean, when I used to install carpet a long time ago, there were three rules. Rule number one is don't bleed on the carpet. Rule number two, if you're bleeding real bad, see rule number one. And rule number three is don't bleed on the carpet.

Brad The Impaler (33:30.818)
Yeah, there you go. It's like Fight Club only with blood and carpet.

Jack (33:34.514)
Right, so you just had to, kept a roll of duct tape and McDonald's napkins in my toolbox, because when you heat seam a carpet, you'd use the tray from your toolbox with all the shit piled on it just to keep the carpet on that hot tape as you go through. So I kept the napkins and the duct tape there. So if I cut my fingers, I just wrap it napkin and wrap it in a big old ball of duct tape and keep going.

Brad The Impaler (33:47.266)
Uh-huh.

Brad The Impaler (34:00.046)
Okay, we need to pause to address this from Charlotte. Yeah, dear God, woman. Again? Man, I think she rattles when she walks, think. Bless your heart.

Jack (34:05.617)
Okay.

Jack (34:09.658)
Jesus Christ.

Jack (34:19.782)
I mean, when you hear it hit the toilet, go, ptink!

Brad The Impaler (34:22.338)
But when I was working at the big green team, of my guys passed a kidney stone in the bathroom there, fucking passed out. They drug him out of there. He was off the next day. The day after he came in, I had set one of those decorative rocks bait stations and put it on the toilet bowl. And I put a note, I hey Dusty, next time flush, will ya?

Jack (34:48.018)
Big old boulder, pissing boulders. They say it's what it feels like, pissing boulders.

Brad The Impaler (34:52.686)
you

That's what I I heard it was like pissing a piece of glass.

Jack (34:58.7)
I don't ever want to find out. I'm not.

Brad The Impaler (35:00.588)
Well, maybe we'll ask Charlotte, because she's apparently the world's authority on kidney stones.

Jack (35:08.348)
God damn, that just makes my painless hurt.

Brad The Impaler (35:11.094)
It does, it does, makes my back hurt. Last time I passed one, I think my back hurt worse than my pain is dead. Yeah, I was like, yeah, I'm just standing there and you couldn't even hardly see mine because I must be like Hank Hill and I gotta narrow your roof room.

Jack (35:16.634)
I've heard that. I've heard that it hurts. It hurts to shit at your back for some reason.

Jack (35:30.29)
I'll tell you what. And Sean, yes. I'm not going to address what you said, but Sean, yes. Yes.

Brad The Impaler (35:35.522)
That's right, we're just gonna say yes. And it's Ix'd anyway. I could have talked about the Big Green X.

Jack (35:43.42)
You just gave it away, dammit!

Jack (35:51.248)
Yeah, you're getting on some territory, dancing on some territory because Miss Jenny worked for a green ex as it was.

Brad The Impaler (36:00.514)
Yeah, I God, felt like I'm singing the theme from Shaft. I'm going, as I X Jax over here, shut your mouth. That's right. I'm just talking about we can dig it.

Jack (36:06.214)
You're damn right.

Jack (36:10.386)
He is a man that can spray them swum as an atomic can. Brad! Can you dig it?

Brad The Impaler (36:15.758)
Did you dig it? That cat Brad's a bad mother.

Jack (36:21.884)
Do do do, do do do, do do do, do. No, that's, that's porno.

Brad The Impaler (36:27.502)
We are playing through such an old fucking audience here.

Jack (36:33.042)
And everybody in the chat like half our age, so we're sorry if you don't get what we're doing here.

Brad The Impaler (36:38.752)
Yeah, anyway, all I can tell you to kind at least give you an idea of what we're talking about is this was a song sung by Chef on South Park.

Jack (36:47.046)
Hey everybody, if you see my balls, they're big as salty and brown. If you ever need a quick pick me up, just put my balls in your mouth. Ooh, suck up my salty chocolate balls. Suck up my mouth and suck them. They're packed full of vitamins and good for you. Just suck up my balls.

Brad The Impaler (36:52.462)
Just stick my balls in your mouth. Ooh!

Pop them in your mouth.

Okay, I guess everybody gets the picture anyway. then we have a topic to, yeah, swarms. Riders on the swarms.

Jack (37:08.745)
Ha

Swarms. I've been asking you goddamn questions about swarms here, dammit, I've been asking you.

Brad The Impaler (37:15.938)
You've been asking all to me though, what about you? to me. come on, hasn't been that long since you've been in the business.

Jack (37:22.482)
No, I know. I know. No, um, it, in the mid Atlantic when I was, uh, in the mid Atlantic, close to the coast, especially near the Chesapeake Bay, um, weather would be weird. Uh, though, the warmth coming off the water of the Bay. Um, and we'd have swarms would come and go because we'd go from seriously warm to almost shorts, t-shirt weather to going back to having to put your car hard on and then go back and forth. So.

Brad The Impaler (37:33.954)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (37:49.09)
Uh-huh.

Jack (37:51.89)
Two weeks, you'd be running balls to the wall with ants. Then for the next three, you're twiddling your thumbs. When I ran to Donnie and Marie, we had the little cheap little 12 volt electric pumps, spray rigs. And we'd have to winterize those. So I'd send everybody out with aerosols and B and Gs, which I made them bring them into the office every evening to go out and do, hit the swarm.

Brad The Impaler (38:07.635)
yeah.

Brad The Impaler (38:17.89)
Good man.

Jack (38:22.416)
And that's where some people like their Phantom Plus. Some people can't, for some reason, can't clean out their BNG to use something else if they have to. And some people think that you live and die by aerosols. And yes, Mario, they killed Kenny. You bastard! But it was really, once the swarm really hit and we started staying warm, man, it was ape shit.

Brad The Impaler (38:30.429)
huh.

Brad The Impaler (38:36.942)
Hehehehehe

Jack (38:52.178)
ape shit busy. Cause like I said, you get sandy, silty soil. So, mean, clay soil, they don't move or migrate near as fast. But sandy, silty soil, they're like scooting. And, uh, with a high water table, they're closer to the surface. So you'd get massive ant mounds, uh, termite swarmers. Then you get them little fucking, uh, millipedes that come up and die. Just want to get into your basement. They curl up like a little C, little curlicue.

Brad The Impaler (39:01.645)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (39:19.758)
Yeah, kind of little, curlicue. Yeah. They're fucking adorable.

Jack (39:23.056)
And, started getting tons of those, but then the mole crickets start coming in. Cause you get all that, you get the thaw and you get those damp basements around the sump pump and you get those mole crickets and those dumb bastards, they, they jump at you as opposed to away from you because they're too stupid. But, but yeah, it just, that's what kept us, it would keep us righteous fucking busy.

Brad The Impaler (39:27.938)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (39:34.446)
huh.

Brad The Impaler (39:39.362)
Yeah, nature's cruelest mistake. Fucking bull cricket, My God.

Wow.

Jack (39:52.014)
I know working at ResiDex, I could tell even if I was just sitting behind the desk selling pesticides, I think ResiDex is now Target Specialty, I believe. I'd get a run on phantom demand and shit like that. People would be coming in and that's like, I got to start ordering more because I knew it was coming. Cause if I'm sitting behind a desk, know, inside all day.

I don't know what's going on. I didn't have my ear to the, to the rail to see what was happening. But, uh, yeah, you could tell me and people start coming in and buying that shit and droves, uh, the, big 78 ounce jugs of a Terminator.

Brad The Impaler (40:23.15)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (40:31.768)
Mm-hmm.

Jack (40:33.424)
And that's before they had the Termidor HE and shit like that. It was just straight up Termidor. Wasn't it BASF first that made that? Or who originally had the patent on Termidor? Was it BASF?

Brad The Impaler (40:34.798)
yeah.

Yeah

Brad The Impaler (40:45.686)
Terminator fuck I can't remember it wasn't passive Maybe it was passive

Jack (40:51.024)
Was it Aventus?

Jack (40:55.684)
Anybody in chat who had the first patent on Termidor? and the.

Brad The Impaler (40:57.922)
Yeah, help us out here. fuck you and your bordello spiders. That's not the topic right now. my God. Yeah, yeah, just let us know about who was the one that first came out with the Turbidor. It might have been Basseth, but who knows?

Jack (41:21.371)
It's not bare. It's not bare. Because the label's not blue.

Brad The Impaler (41:23.788)
Nah, it's not bad. Might not be bad. It's true.

Jack (41:29.306)
All of Bear's labels are blue. I still think it was BASF, I think.

Brad The Impaler (41:31.372)
Yeah, now, anyway. They used to make great cassette tapes. I used have all kinds of BASF cassette tapes. But anyway, yeah, season here, yeah, usually starts with the ants. Then we get kicked on the termites. Also, when the weather gets warm, we've got the occasional bastards. We have the box elder bugs. We have, of course, the brown marmorated motherfuckers. And we, the brown marmorated, yeah.

Jack (41:37.884)
Mm-hmm.

Jack (41:53.842)
yeah.

The marmalade bugs.

Brad The Impaler (42:01.492)
And then of course, Asian beetles, the Asian ladybugs. The phone, everybody just calls ladybugs, the ones that congregate in hundreds into your attic windows and everything. Mario says here it was Basso. So thank you, Mario. And all kinds of, you know, the Asian beetles used to be such a pain in the ass. We still see them from time to time. We don't see them as much anymore.

but they are still around. think all the brown murmur of his stick bugs are eating him.

Jack (42:34.994)
There's a difference between lady beetles and Asian lady beetles. The Asian ones will actually fucking bite you.

Brad The Impaler (42:40.59)
That's right, Jack, they will definitely give you a love pinch. And I took one in the neck. It didn't, I mean, it hurt, but it's not like it's venomous or stingy or anything like that. It's just like, bitch, I'm here. And I didn't do a damn thing. I was afraid that it made me, I gonna grab on to one of my skin tags and start trying to fuck it. But that would have been an interesting day.

Jack (42:51.804)
Right.

Jack (43:02.962)
Tell them get down towards the base and bite it off for you.

Brad The Impaler (43:07.061)
Yeah, that's right. I put on some Barry White, you know.

Jack (43:10.768)
Hey baby. See you

Brad The Impaler (43:18.744)
But yeah, then after all that shit, we got the termites, then we start seeing pavement ants, carpenter ants, things like that. Wasps start coming around. Later on in the year, we start this, midsummer, bald-faced hornets are starting to get more prevalent. You're starting to notice them. You don't notice them too much in the beginning, because their nests are so small. But when they start getting basketball-sized and shit, that's when customers start seeing them.

And then usually that is also the time that we start noticing the pickup and the activity of fucking Karens. The Karen swarm is the worst one of all, man. Fucking Karen swarm, it's been hot for weeks, right? It's fucking 90 degrees outside, steady. You're talking 75 degrees outside at night. The humidity is two million fucking percent. Everybody's on edge.

Jack (44:02.034)
Terran swarm.

Brad The Impaler (44:17.624)
Traffic sucks, it's always stopped, and you got Karen's blowing up your fucking phone because they see something in their driveway that they need just had sprayed. just went, they want you, they want a fucking refund. This does not work. My child is sick, but I want you to spray inside anyway. God damn it. It's the worst, man. I would.

Jack (44:36.156)
That, it explains the haircut though. It totally explains the Karen haircut.

Brad The Impaler (44:39.854)
Oh God, I would have a German paper-washed nest full-grown hanging off of my taint. I would enjoy that more than fucking having to deal with two carrots in a day's time.

Jack (44:49.103)
Hmm

Jack (44:55.356)
There's a mental picture for you boys and girls. A stinging insect nest on his taint.

Brad The Impaler (44:57.518)
That's right, enjoy it, savor it.

Brad The Impaler (45:04.334)
That's right. They're not coming after me because I'm home. They're going go out after y'all.

Jack (45:10.994)
They're attack taint stingers.

Brad The Impaler (45:14.542)
That's right. Yeah, that's the WASP motto. Don't sting where you eat.

Jack (45:21.586)
They're eating down there. feel... ew.

Brad The Impaler (45:24.238)
Hey, come on that thing is that thing is daisy fresh and pinky slim so give me a break will ya That's right, and yeah, definitely that's something we're be bringing up when when when the summer heat starts to get impressive the poon see There's nothing nothing nothing. Nothing keeps you fresh as fresh as an Irish spring than a poon see

Jack (45:30.802)
Because you have the poons. You got the poons thing.

Jack (45:40.634)
pooncy.

Jack (45:47.046)
and the Prince Prince points.

Jack (45:51.412)
That word just...

Brad The Impaler (45:52.078)
This lift, poontz. Other hand, shift, lift, poontz. You're good. You'll have a smile on your face the whole day through. This, this, and I use it too.

Jack (46:03.73)
Aye, there's nothing keeps you fresher than a poon's.

Jack (46:12.368)
And if it's Irish Spring scented, would definitely do something to those insects down there.

Brad The Impaler (46:16.366)
It would repel mice too. Which is important in your crotch.

Jack (46:18.438)
as a word.

Jack (46:25.198)
Speaking about swarms, mean, not so much an insect swarm, but man, when I was working for the second largest school system in the country, the mice that we'd start seeing, like, they start, kids start doing the gardens and planting out in the little courtyards at the school. Man, we get overrun with them. But they'd be storing all their seed and stuff on the ground. So there's that.

No matter how you tell them to get it up on the shelf or put it in something else, they don't bother. But you know, whatever. And yes, William, I wish we had something labeled for Karen's as well. That's for damn sure.

Brad The Impaler (46:56.29)
Yeah.

Brad The Impaler (47:04.83)
And we do, we just can't buy it. You need a permit for it.

Jack (47:08.828)
Charlotte said she can't wait for the stinging insect nests. I tell you, that's my favorite. Those were my favorite jobs. Fucking love them.

Brad The Impaler (47:12.686)
Same here Same here Abs with that hands down man a good a good juicy hornet nest man. I love it fucking love it for one thing You're a fucking hero every time You know you get you get you're that thing out of there, you know, Kayden Braden and Jayden are all out there you know, they can't play because you know and So you're out there fucking you know taking care of it. Yeah, it's on their play area I just noticed it and we have and we have

Jack (47:22.718)
yeah.

Brad The Impaler (47:41.614)
And it's Braden's birthday. And it's Braden's birthday coming up this weekend, and he is highly allergic to bees. Nobody's ever allergic, man. They're fucking highly allergic.

Jack (47:42.83)
This is fucking big.

Jack (47:52.05)
Of course, they're deathly allergic. That's right, that's what happens.

Brad The Impaler (47:57.954)
deathly allergic ass. Usually highly allergic. Your kid's highly allergic, I'm high, let's get rid of this.

Jack (48:05.788)
But every possible thing that could possibly make that the most important job in the world, all of those miraculously fall right into line for that one job. We got a birthday party that's happening tomorrow morning at 6 a.m. tomorrow, so you can't come by in the morning and do it. All of the children are deathly allergic. We just noticed it yesterday when it's like the size of a fucking beach ball.

Brad The Impaler (48:18.626)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (48:31.918)
That's right, yep. Definitely allergic, have a lactose intolerant and can't have peanut butter.

Jack (48:35.142)
They all just fall into place.

and gluten free.

Brad The Impaler (48:40.716)
What a shit time to be a kid, Jack.

Jack (48:44.312)
I-I-I-We never had that gluten shit when I was a kid. You fuckin' ate your Wonder Bread and you liked it.

Brad The Impaler (48:47.714)
Nah.

Oh, that's right. Shit. I'd be like, you know, what's for dinner? Gluten. All right, cool. know? As long as I got my juice box and my pudding cup afterwards, I'm good.

Jack (48:55.004)
Yeah.

Jack (49:02.244)
Everybody in elementary school had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. No one died of anaphylaxis. I don't see what happened in life that everybody started transitioning to all these problems. And I just think people are pussies. People are just pussies.

Brad The Impaler (49:14.763)
huh.

I do. It is the pussy generation.

Jack (49:22.236)
The Puss-A-Generation Puss-A Puss-A

Brad The Impaler (49:23.832)
Poussey, Poussey, I love that word, Poussey. Poussey, Poussey, Poussey, Washington.

Jack (49:31.09)
from red, orange, and new black.

Brad The Impaler (49:32.883)
God, I love that show. That was a fucking hilarious show.

Jack (49:34.31)
That was a great show. Did you ever notice that it stopped being about the main character, like after the first four episodes?

Brad The Impaler (49:42.424)
That's because the main character was boring. Yeah. Everybody else was flesh. Everybody else fleshed their roles out perfectly. And that was good.

Jack (49:44.498)
She was.

Jack (49:50.258)
which she was, you know.

Brad The Impaler (49:52.75)
Yeah, what was it, the warden? Remember the name of his band? Sideboob. You remember?

Jack (49:57.86)
No. I'm a fan of side boob, I will say that.

Brad The Impaler (50:03.278)
I am too, but that's the name of his band was Sideboob. Underboob, underboob is awesome. I'm sorry, underboob, sideboob, overboob, tweenerboob, you know.

Jack (50:06.726)
I'm also a fan of underboob. I do like some underboob.

Jack (50:15.996)
You know, they say that the word boob is B is above view. The OO is a straight on view. It's under boob. So it's, you get like the full 360 view of the tatays that way.

Brad The Impaler (50:21.934)
Uh huh. O is front on. Uh huh. And the other B is underside.

Brad The Impaler (50:33.4)
Yeah. Speaking of boobs,

Jack (50:36.274)
And right now, Sean is regretting what happened because it's on the show.

Brad The Impaler (50:39.826)
Speaking of boobs, what's up Candace? The better Nord has arrived. Welcome. Welcome to the show. Where the fuck you been? I know, working. I think she spent, I say she spent the last four hours of her day holed up in a crawl space waiting for it to stop drizzling.

Jack (50:45.173)
shit.

Jack (50:57.203)
yeah, you're up there in moist country. Moist. It's moist.

Brad The Impaler (50:59.178)
And moist kind of stuff. the great moist west.

Jack (51:04.338)
I like that Michael Douglas, that's the only white man that ever made me moist.

Brad The Impaler (51:06.262)
I got more, man, I don't mind being moist. So you know what else makes me moist? Drinking a cold beverage out of my Tony Spangler tumbler. That's what, yeah. Everybody take a look at this, if I can stop getting it blurry for one moment. Look at the beautiful graphics, look how sharp the text is on that. The color and how www.tftc.wtf pops out into your eyes when you see it. And then, you know,

Jack (51:11.12)
What makes you moist? yes, most certainly.

Jack (51:23.28)
The contrast. The color.

Jack (51:33.434)
It does. And your eye holes.

Brad The Impaler (51:35.784)
the eye holes, your eye bones, and the PCHD logo of course on here, and then you've got these handsome mofos right there, and that guy looks vaguely familiar, as does this guy. so, yes, and just below these handsome visages is the rubber bottom that Jack knows and loves and loves the rubber bottom. And...

Jack (51:47.952)
Hey, look at me.

Jack (51:54.726)
Rubber bottom. I love to rubber bottom. Yes, I do.

Brad The Impaler (52:01.186)
We've got a double walled stainless steel vessel here for your cold, keeps your cold drinks cold and your hot drinks hot. And as far as the design, you're not married to this particular design right here. If you can think it, he can make it. Tony Spangler from SpanglerArt.com has a wide variety of already, a wide collection of designs already.

Jack (52:14.885)
Yeah, not at all.

That's right.

Brad The Impaler (52:27.822)
but can custom make it to damn near anything you want him to. And this thing, I'm telling you, it is so well built, I could kill a man with this thing if I wanted to. That's right. So everybody, please keep that in mind if you're thinking about pissing me off. But the Spangler Tumbler is not complete. And it's being pissed off, man. You would be pretty pissed off if you tried to piss and couldn't.

Jack (52:30.962)
Mm-hmm.

Jack (52:35.45)
It is a blunt force object.

Jack (52:47.506)
Speaking of being pissed off, as they speak to being pissed off.

Brad The Impaler (52:54.728)
And Tony's got you covered there too, because every one of these comes with, and once again, I don't fucking have one on my desk, a surgical grade stainless steel urethral sounding rod, perfectly shaped, perfectly designed, smooth for easy insertion, narrow to get those hard to reach spots, and some of them even come with a nice angle in case priapism with your Peyronious disease is an issue.

Jack (53:06.642)
That's right.

Brad The Impaler (53:22.05)
The angle's perfect, it gets right in there and gets the job done. The finely machined edges of the rod also do a wonderful job of clearing away any annoying scar tissue that you may have. So, you know, I have changed my name from Brad Harvey to IP Freely. And that's all because of Tony Spangler. Ace Freely, that's right, I am IP, Internet Provider Freely.

Jack (53:24.866)
Yes it does.

Jack (53:43.804)
Brother of Ace. Brother of Ace.

Brad The Impaler (53:50.894)
If this is something that feels like your life is just a total shell without being in your possession, you go see Tony Spangler at spanglerart.com and he can fix you up. for all of this, you only need one place to go.

Jack (54:06.918)
If you got peronies reach for Tony's steel, rhythmical sounding rise. Don't forget boys and girls, JT story is available for making your jingles and your intros and things like that. He has done the newest Pestrogen intro. He did our awesome entry does all of our intros for Tales from the Crawl Space. He'll do voiceover work. You name it.

Brad The Impaler (54:10.242)
Steal your ethos sounding rhymes.

Jack (54:34.162)
He can do it together for you. can put songs together for you. All kinds of stuff. Get a hold of me, Jack at tftc.wtf or on Facebook messenger, and we will make it happen, Cap'n. We can definitely get them to take care of.

Brad The Impaler (54:44.782)
That's right, don't get a hold of me or Brad at TOTC, I never check my email.

Jack (54:49.574)
I was gonna say, you probably got a bunch of shit in yours.

Brad The Impaler (54:51.662)
I'm probably piled high with difficulty right now and I don't even know how to fucking get to it. So it doesn't matter. Jack's the man to look for this. I'm just here to drink bourbon and look good.

Jack (55:03.757)
You got that part coming.

Brad The Impaler (55:06.219)
half of it. I look good. man.

Jack (55:12.018)
That's I was going with that. Branded talk about you get a golden shower. guess, know, with that, you're a little sounding rod during loving time, there's an extra purpose. You can leave it in to feign priapism. So you can like go all night long. And when it comes to busting out, when it comes to busting a nut, it's like a fucking mortar. mean, it's, you you, she'll go from in in the, in the pajama and looks like she has her money nose when you're done. I mean, that's.

Brad The Impaler (55:25.965)
Yeah.

Brad The Impaler (55:32.888)
So.

Brad The Impaler (55:41.112)
Yeah, it's like, I don't know if anybody's seen that gun that the guy made with the two five gallon water bottles and the plastic tubing where he filled it up with propane or butane or something and then he fired it off and you could see it go.

Something along that line. Something along that line. Yeah, wouldn't be butane. Butane is a bastard gas.

Jack (55:55.996)
Propane and propane accessories.

Jack (56:04.402)
You get the mortar shot. know, it's, it's what good that joke is. What do call a hooker? It's a runny nose. Full. That's correct.

Brad The Impaler (56:17.934)
full. Well, I'm glad we were able to talk a couple for a couple minutes about about swarms. But we did. Goddamn. I mean, we just got back from break and and yeah, it's been a long time coming. I had a lot. We had a lot of stuff built up. needed to get out.

Jack (56:23.664)
We needed a bullshit session anyways, damn it.

Jack (56:33.158)
Yeah, we sure did. I'll tell you what, Candice, I'll tell you what. So what are we doing next week, damn it?

Brad The Impaler (56:35.394)
That boy ain't right.

That's a goddamn good question. We're going to have to think on that one. We have a lot. We have a lot to talk about. We've got a lot of good topics. We're just going to need to decide on which one. So Jack, think if give us 24 hours, we'll come up with something awesome.

Jack (56:50.353)
We do.

Jack (56:56.08)
Yeah, we do. We do. We had a big consortium, you and me, talking about it last week. So.

Brad The Impaler (57:03.458)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, so there's there's tons of stuff. We just gonna have to decide decide what we want to do and Then just then you know ain't nothing but to get down to it and do it so

Jack (57:15.634)
Cause you can't roll the skate in the Buffalo herd. Can't roll the skate.

Brad The Impaler (57:18.254)
So so what episode is it we were like what 109 episodes or something like it? 106 okay Yeah, so if you're if you guys if y'all are new to our podcast and you want you want to check out some of the other episodes I got I got just the thing for you and it's right here just give this a good scan and That's gonna take you right to our website and it's gonna it's gonna our entire biography or discography or what? Podography is gonna be it's gonna be on that for you. So

Jack (57:24.265)
106, 107, one of the two.

Brad The Impaler (57:48.098)
Yeah, just give that QR code a scan there and it's gonna take you right to it. Jack and I definitely bid you good listening because there's a lot on there. There's a lot of good memories too. I was on there in there a little while ago and just kind of going back at some of the episodes that we've done and it's been pretty cool. It really has.

Jack (57:48.274)
our podcast library.

Jack (58:16.296)
yeah.

Brad The Impaler (58:17.864)
I think, you know, we were, were a part, there's a lot of Pest Control podcasts out there now, but, you know, still there's none, there's none that, that match what we do here as far as, as far as our content and our content and our character.

Jack (58:34.566)
We are the only show of its kind, you know, and so we're gonna do it to it. And I just, that's one thing I love about us is, you know, we don't count, count out anybody. yeah.

Brad The Impaler (58:36.735)
We are.

Brad The Impaler (58:44.256)
A lot of good ones out there though, Jack. mean, to be honest with you, you've got, you've got, well, of course, you've got, you've got beauties and beasties. You've got, you've got estrogen. You've got, has perspectives. Yep. With our good buddy, Sean. And, you know, license to kill on the discord server has always has, always has some good, good topics, you know, on podcasts, you know, they can, you know, they're informative. They're edgy. They're, yeah, they're going to.

Jack (58:56.37)
Pest perspectives.

That's right.

Brad The Impaler (59:14.252)
You know, it's a really good one and it's also interactive. you guys, you know, you'll be sure there's a lot of podcasts out there. It's like a captain, you know, yeah, we know you had your choice of podcasts, but thank you for choosing us. But yeah, that's the beauty about podcasts. know, we're not set on any type of time slot that you got to listen to us or else you're just going to scratch ass or anything.

Jack (59:27.538)
Thanks for choosing us.

Brad The Impaler (59:41.602)
There's, you can listen to us and you can listen to them whenever you want. When you're out there driving, riding around on your routes, you're doing a heat job and you're just sitting on your ass waiting to go take temperature readings. We're here for you. Come check us out. We love it when you guys listen to us.

Jack (59:57.202)
That's right.

Jack (01:00:04.146)
We got quite a backlog and when you go check them other ones out, tell them Tales from the Crawl Space sent you.

Brad The Impaler (01:00:10.092)
That's right. Tell them Brad and Jack from Tales from the Ground, or Jack and Brad as the case may be. Brack and Jad, or Jad and Brack.

Jack (01:00:15.762)
Jack and Brad, Brad and Jack, yes that's...

Jack (01:00:20.57)
Brack. I love Beans.

Brad The Impaler (01:00:22.328)
We're we're like, Brennifer.

Jack (01:00:26.096)
Well, Brack from Space Ghost Coast to Coast back in the 90s. Hey, everybody.

Brad The Impaler (01:00:30.402)
yeah, that's right. now you can, space goes coast to coast. Now you got my, now you got me a little of a clipped in. is the voice, the guy that did the guy that voiced that just recently passed, you know.

Jack (01:00:38.566)
The guy that did the voice-over, George Lowe. George Lowe just passed. Brax is still around, but George Lowe just passed. I love that show. I used to get drunk and watch that show and laugh my ass off. Fucking loved it.

Brad The Impaler (01:00:45.358)
Mm-hmm.

Brad The Impaler (01:00:50.956)
Yeah, yeah, but damn it, you just get older and older every time seems like when something like that happens, you just start feeling older and older. And yeah, so that's when you grab onto something that makes you feel young. Like your penis, not with me, it's my knife.

Jack (01:00:55.27)
God damn it. You do. You do.

Jack (01:01:03.834)
My penis. Grab my penis.

William said he's digging the new interactive format, unwind it and have it a cocktail on a Friday night with Yen's. He's from up in Pennsylvania if he said Yen's. I think Yen's is closer to Pittsburgh, not Philadelphia. Yep.

Brad The Impaler (01:01:17.87)
That is that is pencil tucky it's it's definitely pencil tucky It's also you is is also a you is is also a southern, Indiana thing But it's not it's yens up there, but it's you wins down there. Yeah, you and you and Why you in Z you and yeah? You guys you know, we're we're y'all

Jack (01:01:33.936)
Viewings.

Jack (01:01:37.89)
Use, use, use, guys.

Brad The Impaler (01:01:45.174)
Indianapolis or you you guys you guys are y'all it's all depends depends on how urbane you are you

Jack (01:01:46.481)
Yo.

Jack (01:01:51.548)
and the Appalachians,

Brad The Impaler (01:01:53.742)
Yeah, there's a lot more y'all than in the country than anything else. I think y'all is a Texas thing too. Yeah, mean y'all's is Texas, y'all's is Oklahoma, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia.

Jack (01:02:04.51)
yeah.

Jack (01:02:13.84)
And if you go to address a large group, it's all y'all. All y'all. Say, ain't no picking out numbers.

Brad The Impaler (01:02:17.42)
All y'all. Yup, that's right.

Brad The Impaler (01:02:22.54)
That's right. All right. All right, everybody, we're going to give you, Jack and I are going to jab our jaws for about three four more minutes. If you all want to get on and chat with us real quick or say something, now's your chance because we're going to be getting the hell out of here in a minute.

Jack (01:02:35.836)
That's right. Y'all got something to say, say it. We'll get it out of here on the air for you.

Brad The Impaler (01:02:39.82)
You damn right. Yeah. And for one thing, you know, this is the second time that we've used this particular format. And, I'm with, I'm with all y'all out there. I love it. I love it. I love it. Yeah. Just be able to just be able to have, have you guys come and check us out in real time and us to be able to respond to you. You get to talk to us. We get to talk to you. Usually it's, it's Jack and I are just jacking our jaws and, and talking to our guests and, and anything that we may have had canned out, already, you know, already plotted out and then.

We record it and then we play it back to you. This, I feel like, I just feel like we're closer now and I love it. Yep, so we are evolving, that's right. We are like apes. Go Pittsburgh. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, I had my region manager at the Big Green T, Eric Young, he was a Yen's guy and he was from Pittsburgh.

Jack (01:03:16.019)
evolving. I was right Pittsburgh, I was right.

Jack (01:03:24.198)
I was right though. I was right. I called that shit.

Jack (01:03:36.412)
Now what is it they say over near Philadelphia? It's similar, but it's not yens. There's something they say in Eastern Pennsylvania. It's similar, but it's not yens. Dave's been doing his resin. that's our buddy Dave from Down Under.

Brad The Impaler (01:03:41.954)
Good question. William, you got this one?

Brad The Impaler (01:03:53.39)
Okay, okay, all right, all right, yeah. I was gonna say, idiot. If there was somebody else that said they were doing resin while watching this, I would've thought something completely different, but that's Australia, guys. That's great. Dave, long time no air,

Jack (01:04:06.716)
his dice, man, the dice Dave to make are fucking awesome. Dave, if you want to put your name of your TikTok or something up on there on the chat, man, so people can check it out. The dice and stuff, he made something for JT. JT loves them. He's got like hornets and shit in the dice, clear dice. Yeah, those are awesome. He does a great job on them. And I like watching the videos he does.

Brad The Impaler (01:04:08.705)
Uh-huh.

Brad The Impaler (01:04:20.48)
nice. I remember seeing those. I do. They were fucking great. Yeah. and Dave, we've also got an international episode coming up just to say, Brad, Foot Fetish Guy wants to know where to get a TFT hoodie. Yes, you should. You totally should. In fact, you tell, Foot Fetish Guy, you tell him to get his size.

and I will order it for him personally. Shush, I got this.

Jack (01:04:52.338)
The fuck is Swedish guy?

Brad The Impaler (01:04:56.94)
I think we know who it is. We were just gonna, all right, I'll tell you after the show. But let's just say I made an interesting Photoshop of this guy. Now you know who I'm talking about. All right, yeah, yeah.

Jack (01:04:58.501)
I don't I have no idea. Okay, Nice

Jack (01:05:08.154)
Okay, okay. Okay, okay. yeah, Dave said it, crab smasher, dice and resin. Good deal, Dave. Thanks for putting that out there. what? fuck. I see that. I wanna see, that's gonna be awesome. That's gonna be great. You definitely.

Brad The Impaler (01:05:15.574)
Right on. Yeah, he's doing a wasp. get the fuck out. No way. Wow. this I got this I gotta see. yeah Dave back to you back to that. We do have an international episode coming up. So you get you get, you know, if you if you're if you're down to clown with us one more time, buddy, we'd love to have you say and same goes to you Mario and you Sean.

Jack (01:05:38.47)
Fuck yeah.

Jack (01:05:42.305)
it's always a good time with David Mario. Hell yeah.

Brad The Impaler (01:05:44.484)
my god, our international episode's gonna be crazy. No. Jack's gonna laugh. He already knows. He knows now, that's right. He's like, yeah.

Jack (01:05:49.586)
I think I know now. I think I know now.

All I saw was a gigantic mouth.

Jack (01:06:01.094)
like a really big gigantic mouth. fuck, I hit the lever on the seat, I just lowered myself. What the fuck?

Brad The Impaler (01:06:02.67)
Yeah. I was gonna say, Jack, you've changed. Man, don't go down on me here,

Jack (01:06:09.219)
It's Saint Patti's Day Saint Patti's got my Kelly Green on

Brad The Impaler (01:06:14.862)
All right, okay. Mario is down to clown Nice nice. Okay guys. Thank you again again for joining us We'll let you know what's gonna go on next week, but I will guarantee you that it is going to be live because this is this is Jack I don't I I I Do you think we could do this we can keep doing this like this cuz I am fucking I am I have got a podcast boner from here to Palermo you guys so

Jack (01:06:19.26)
Fuck yeah.

Jack (01:06:33.788)
We're enjoying this too much.

It's, yeah.

Jack (01:06:43.288)
this is awesome.

Brad The Impaler (01:06:43.298)
Yeah, we're definitely doing this, man. We are now TFTC Live and we are gonna come at you next week with whatever the fuck we decide. So everybody that's been chatting, it's been great chatting with you and I'm looking forward to hearing some more from you next week for whatever the fuck we decide. And Jack's been a slice of heaven, man.

Jack (01:07:04.594)
Always, always been on the show with you. I love it, love it, love it. So fan-fucking-tastic.

Brad The Impaler (01:07:09.806)
So on behalf of us, Pest Control, Huber Depot and Facebook, my favorite group, spanglerart.com, Pestrogen, License to Kill, and everybody else that makes everything wonderful for us, we ask you to bug.

Jack (01:07:25.948)
Bug off.