The Beech Madafaka Night Before Christmas Contest!
Boys! Girls! Cheesebags Everywhere! Here’s the contest rules:
Record your own rendition of the “Beech Madafaka Night Before Christmas” story.
1. You MUST adhere to the original text! No changing the words! (The story is posted below)
2. Add music, sound effects, dramatization… even add another person for the other parts!
The winner will receive a HUGE TFTC flag as well as a bunch of rubber podcast bracelets and have their version played on the TFTC Christmas Pizza Party episode!
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The Beech Madafaka Night Before Christmas
by Jack Starry
‘‘Twas the day before Christmas Eve
When all thru the branch
The branch managers ass
smelled likeBuffalo wings
with ranch
The techs were out working
Rodent callbacks galore
When in walked the office manager
Right thru the door
She turned up her nose at the horrible smell
Waved her hand by her face and exclaimed
“What the hell!”
I said “it’s a half day and the phones are dead…
Let’s call past due customers so we can get ahead”
She printed the list of non payments from the fall
But little did I know
Who I was about to call
An African lady
From Washington DC
Who signed for the service
But assumed it was free
She answered the phone
And I introduced myself
Explained the debt
She told me to fuck myself
She claimed she never signed
So I asked for her name
Same one on the contract
She was playing games
I explained our collections policy
Something we didn’t want to do
So she called me an asshole
And a nasty bitch, too
I told her that wasn’t nice
To speak to me that way
And I would hang up the phone
To call another day
She told me to eat shit
And screamed something else
So I hung up the phone
And laughed to myself
The phone rang almost immediately
And a younger woman said
“Don’t harass my mom.
You’re sick in the head”
“We don’t owe you money,
I can barely afford college”
So I told her that her mom
Must have signed without her knowledge
She said her moms a Christian
And would never curse
She’d turn the other cheek
Even at her worst
I explained what I was told
What her saintly mom said
Repeating every word
And explained what I did
She denied it all
Said I was liar
And accusing such a woman
Would land me in hell fire
She yelled and proclaimed
That she wouldn’t pay
I hung up the phone
Told her to have a great day
I took a deep breath
And I filled my coffee cup
The phone rang again
So I picked it up
On the other end of the line
I heard barely a sound
Then they screamed “BEECH MADAFAKA”
And threw the phone down
Sue looked across the office at me
Her eyes wide in fright
I told the African lady
“Merry Christmas to all,
And to all a good night”